My mind's been bogged down with too much lately. Especially now that the poly's registration period is closing in on me. I literally feel like i'm about to crack under this pressure! I'm still stuck at being so indecisive and disoriented even after almost a whole month of contemplating..I just couldn't make up my mind! Argh! Err..For those who are scratching their heads now, well, i've gotten myself a place in Republic Polytechnic under pharmaceutical science, hurray! Yes, a course which I've applied for, in my hope to pursue something which conquers a major part of my passion. However, sad to say, circumstances are such that, i might have to forgo this opportunity.hmm. :( Anyway, firstly, congrats to myself for finally being able to hog a place in one of the 5 coveted tertiary institutes in Singapore after a total of two dejectful rejections! Indeed, I was swept with tremendous joy when the good news first came to my ears but much to my dismay, it didn't come across me, that my acceptance would actually unveil many hurtful truths. In this case, this incident justified my perception of the term, 'money is the root of all evil' hands down. Who would have thought that mankind could be so callous as to sacrifice ones' own flesh and blood's future with those mere paper notes that held substantial value as a supposedly rational excuse? Not that they haven't got the means, they DO! Who would have thought that in this life of mine existed individuals that measured my affections towards them via my wealth contribution tally?? As far as i'm concerned, these thoughts never dawned on me altogether, much less, the speculation that such a fate would befall me. All that hopes instilled in me and all the words of promises conveyed to me was nothing but plain empty talks, that was never intended to be made real of. I should have known better coz that has been the case since day 1, hasn't it? I was nothing close to 'special' for that extra attention, right from the start. I was never in their good books no matter how much less of a burden i am compared to the rest. Now that all the falsehood have come to light, i've learnt my lesson, i've decided to go with the drift. No, i'm not gonna change, i committed no sins. This is the way i am, i give to people who treat me right, not to those who deprive me and I shall remain satus quo. I shall climb my way up with my own resources, if that's what i'm deemed to do. One day, I might prove it to them but wateva it is, they were and will never be the reason for my achievements becoz sum others that matter to me deserve the credit better. I forgive, always will, but I shall never forget and that's final, i'm sorry. Now, I've got a decision to make. I'm not sure if i should pursue the full time, RP pharmaceutical course or to just enrol myself in a part time, pre-sch teaching diploma course elsewhere, both of which i could see myself going on board in the career department. I've got too much to put into consideration and it doesn't help that they're not in the least bit supportive of me. And then, there's love. He's been the most encouraging thruout this trying period. Thanks alot baby, for stickin ard always! You're simply everything!:) Age is catching up on me and him too. As much as I would wana focus on my aspirations, i don wish to drag me and love any longer. I truly wanna see us settle down on time and that has to be taken into account too. With that said, just exactly how much savings could i pile, say 3 years down the road if i held a part-time, hourly-paid job in the evenings to tide me through, you think? No-no, I shan't let love shoulder the burden entirely. He's got dreams to chase too and i've got to be fair. Oh god, pls help me! I can only choose one and i truly hope i won't be wrong. Nevertheless, whichever path i take on, i'll never let anytin bring me down and oh yes, you CAN bet on this!
