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Saturday, September 12, 2009 Now, what was that abt? Oh, no-no. *shakes head* That wasn't some sorta story which i've fudged together. It was love's description of a nightmare that tormented him last weekend. On a Sunday, the one day I usually snooze my morning away in slumberland, rolling out of bed only when the rest of the house starts stirring to life with each member, fussing over their affairs. This time, however, came with a twist. I was jolted conscious not by my family's sunday antics but by a phone call from love. I would be tale-telling if i said I fasted that day bcoz hearing love's blubbering voice on the other side of the receiver sent multiple arrows charging to my heart, I couldn't help losing the battle against my tears. Like a child who just lost his mom, love sounded like he was crying his eyes out! My mind went into a state of blank when love struggled to put across questions like, "Dear, r u ok? R u reli ok?" in between sobs to me. I kept giving words like, "I'm reli ok dear. U'r talking to me now, aren't u? Stop crying my dear. I'm fine. What went wrong?" in my bid to bring forth some sense of assurance. It took a while before love finally managed to cool his heels and break through his sniffles with a "I had a nightmare and I cldn't save u, niku!" exclamation. Fighting to keep his head throughout, love gave me his insights shortly after. I drew a long breath. Learning that all was sheerly a dream and nothing untoward had taken place gladden my heart. I reasoned, "Silly boy, it was only a dream. I'm stil here my dear, i'm not gonna leave u. Now, don't cry anymore." My poor darling, he must have been scared out of his wits to be crying like a baby. Love seem prone to letting bad dreams get to him but really, he has never before woken up bursting into tears like he did that day. I know that whatever happens in our sleep is beyond control, but to hear him weep away like that, I was sure that this one was an extra bitter pill for him to swallow. I dreaded hearing how miserable he sounded over the phone. I wanted so much to just embrace him, to let him feel my presence. Since then, love's become sucha worrywart about not being able to hear my voice the next day till I've to coax him to go to sleep every night. I remember one time during his NS days, when love actually sprang out of bed in an attempt to reach me in his dreams. Despite catching sight of me in that delusion, each time love tried to make a run, i seem to drift further away. When he got to a point of agitation, love decided to go for a leap and that decision only resulted in him ramming hard against his bedside locker bcoz he seriously jumped off his bed in a trance. I thanked god that he was on the lower half of the double-decker. I didn't even wanna mull over which bone of his could have been broken if that move had been from the upper deck. It pains me down to my soul everytime i hear or see him fall apart like that and each time, i would end up shedding tears too. I guess what i'm trying to get at is, 6 years of love with him has truly made our hearts beat as one. The thick jungle of differences which we've once struggled to come out of has finally become a harmony of beautiful creatures and floras complementing each other. Today, i'm pleased to say that our bond has grown so intense that his laughter becomes mine, his sorrow becomes mine and his pain becomes mine too. Only god knows what would become of me if I ever have to breathe through a day without him to make the picture whole and to you my love, I just want u to know that I'm never gonna go anywhere without you, not without kissing you goodbye. I'll brave storms and hurricanes just to get to you and if ever the day comes when he has to take me away, pls note in mind, that you'll always be with me, in my heart. I'll never lose the memory of your charming face, how your hands fit perfectly into mine, the soft strokes of your fingers on my cheek, everything, down to the funny faces you'd pull just to see me smile. I'll always be grateful for the splashes of colours you've brought into my once, unanimated canvas of a life. I pray day and night that he doesn't summon me home before I live my life complete with you and yes my dear, you mean to me just as much as i do to you and I can't afford to lose u ever again either! Rest easy tonight ok my love and have sweet dreams of me bcoz like I've said too many times, i promise to answer evrytime you call. MY WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOU, MUHAMMAD MUSTAQIIM BIN AYUB AND I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. :'') .jpg) For I'll always be here to hold you close and catch your tears. Everything's gonna be alright, i promise. So cry no more and let me chase away your fears. Friday, September 4, 2009 .jpg) So dis entry might and might not contain a barrage of words. Probably, i'll invest in a fair bit of random raves. heh. See how bcoz my blogging mood rite nw is like loitering between the sixes and seven. Anyway, before I take the floor, I just wana do a typical "Goodbye old month, welcome new one" shoutout can? Ok, here goes.. ehem, ehem *sits up straight, locks shoulders, deep breath and...* "HELLO SEPTEMBER, GOODBYE AUGUST! GO FAR FAR AWAY OK? COZ I HATE U! LIKE REALLY REALLY BENCI LOR. YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT. ..eh! Wait. Was those remarks nescessary?? I think I just got slightly off the track rite? heh. ^_^' Sory eh! Emotions got the better of me la but still, phew! It's always soothing to be able to get all those pent up vehemence off the chest, doesn't it? Aniwae, yeah I truly resent August now. I diss the fact that it has left a deep, imperishable scar in my heart. Why do people have to go? Can't we just have our loved ones around us forever? Boy, how I wished! *sigh* I dearly hope that September will come like a happy child, full of cheer and smiles in place of all the remorse and frowns. I am aware that with one person less, this Hari Raya's not gonna be the same for love's family but all I reli wan is to see the people around me laugh because they truly feel the warmth of joy rising from the arteries of their hearts not because it's a way of life, can? Oh pls god! In this Ramadhan, I seek that you clear the hovering clouds and let your light shine through the souls I love, pls? I just wana see them freed from the clutches of misery, so pls pls puhh-leasee heed my plea! *sigh*  Bringing the holy month into picture now. My, time sure never fail to leave us all gasping huh? Strike today off your calender and you would be tabulating a total count of 14 fasting days aredi! So the quick hor? In a matter of days, we would reach its midway mark and I'm not even sure as hell if my book of good deeds is at least a half fraction filled. Usually, aside from carrying out my routine prayers vigilantly, I would always make it a point to set aside every piece of coin I possess and donate them to whoever i see idling along the streets during Ramadhan. Irregardless of their race or state, I tell myself that for every poverty-stricken person i set my eyes upon outside, i'm gonna turn my back only after i've dropped at least a penny into their repository. I try not to reject the panhandlers who seek around trying to raise funds for the needy too. You know, last week, love once doled out $10 for an orphanage! I do realise it's a mere figure not like a 20 or 50 but still, it was a little steep from our usual amount of $2 or $5 contributions and this was what love had to say, "I'm not certain why i did that, but i know i wanted to give a helping hand and i don't regret giving away that amount at all." Aww... *hands on chest* Why of course I beamed with pride! How can I not be when I've got such a samaritan for a beau? n_n Behind that stern and masculine facade he dons on most of the time, love's actually a man of home and hearth. He emits warmth and security, really! Of course most ppl ard him wld say, he's beyond control whenever his wire trips but u know, he definitely has his heart in the right place. Though sumtimes his rage seem to shut his heart out on you, he surely doesn't turn a deaf ear to your words. All it takes is some patience and proper coaxing, trust me. He loves unconditionally and he doesn't hesitate to display affection through his actions. He feels the pinch whenever he sees the ill-fated. He's family-oriented. He emphasizes deeply on fostering family bonds and he chokes inside whenever any of his loved one goes through a rough patch . He's humorous and capable of giving u a hearty laugh too! These are the side of him which isn't plain for all to see but as his other half, believe me, he has more passion than what meets the eye and that's why my prettyboy still leaves me with butterflies in my stomach! No matter how heartbreaking this relationshp could get at times, i'l never stop adoring love for his endearing nature. It is his loving ways which I could find no match for and one thing's for sure, I AM A PROUD GALFREN OF THIS SUPER AMAZING BOYFREN! :))  Now, there's one goal which love and I have been meaning to resolve for so long now. Well, it is our biggest wish to make a difference for the unfortunate. Yes-yes, we hope to go visit a welfare home. Prolly, an orphanage or the old-folks. You see, everytime I see these forsaken children and seniors, I cldn't help but feel anguished and sympathetic for them. :( I want terribly much to do sumting for them la! Even if I could do only very little, it would definitely brighten my day to at least be able to see their faces gleam with delight! After all, since we're incessantly kicking up a fuss over how little there is to do in this tiny red dot of a country, i thought we might as well do sumtin enlightening and sadly, overlooked by our young society too many a time! Problem now is, love and I deliberated that we can't possibly make a trip, empty-handed rite? And pertaining to that rationalization, the dollar sign becomes an issue. Seriously i tell you, money is not at all on our side this month. What with the deduction of love's 1 week unpaid MC and a wk more of his reservist leave. Really, we're just scraping the barrels! No single surplus, just deficits. Besides our raya suits, everything else is recycled this year. How to have any spare like that? *sigh* No, we shall not lay a finger on the savings. They're strictly for rainy days. Hmm.. I guess we've to hold up this plan again lor. Booorrrinnggg... -_- Or maybe... hey! maybe if any of u are up for this, we cld like plan a group visit! How abt that?? The more the merrier and also, more volunteers means more would pool into the capital and with the amount accumulated, we're likely able to afford some gifts for them kan kan kan? Smells like great fun to me! hehe. So, who's game? ;)  Anyway, I lurrvvveee today! Why? Becoz it' a Friday! hehe. Last day of the week, the onset of weekends, yay! Who doesn't like this feeling, rite? hee. Tomorrow, love and I will be swinging by Geylang again. We're thinkin, it'l be our last trip coz there'll be nothing else left to see or hunt for. Last weekend alone, it was Geylang in a trot for us. Yup, three consecutive days! It felt silly beacuse the reason we returned on day 2 was becoz I had to exchange my raya top and then, just when we thought all's well ends well, the getup which we got for love's mom on day 2 needed to be exchanged pulak! *slaps forehead* Off we went again for the third time in a row! Silly kan? hehe. So Geylang this time, is prolly to steal myself a corset for my suit and of course! not missing out the must-have, Arnold's for break fast! yummeah! *slurps* Truth is, I'm totally not decided on the corset thingy yet. I dunno if I shld. For one, I dislike having that thing around me. Sumhow, it seem to make me feel stiff as a board! Eee! Two, I feel like it's a waste of our areadi limited bucks. *pouts lip* I could just make do with a tube top actually, rite? haiya. I hate it when indecision haunts me! urgh. Oh btw, this year it's "go maroon go!" for love and I. Maroon on black and I mus say, it's byfar the hottest colour we've ever picked out. heh! Actually, plan A was to go orange bcoz mommy dearest already attained an orange cloth to be tailored for myself but as u know, life doesn't always sway to our tune right? We decided to reserve the orange for next year instead. This way or that, we're charmed to bits with our choice! n_n I'l be giving a new edge to my hair too. Once more, i'm being as fickle as ever! I'm blowing hot and cold on the idea of sporting a short hairdo. I really duno la! Suggestions anyone? Hmm.. Maybe i'll just opt for shoulder length because love prefers it long actualy. Question now is, what do i do to my fringe? heh. Eh, omg! I think i shld bid goodbye for now before i end up jabbering another paragraph away la. haha! So much for a lousy blogging mood ay! hee. Pls pardon my neckbreaking essay eh! Remember to give your eyes a rest after this and carry out those simple steps which i've laid out for you below ya! Considerate kan saye? haha. Toodles all! oxox Ps: Suhaili darlin, nak update kan? hehe. Amek ni! Sory lambat and happy tuning in! ;) Useful Eye Exercises Blink the eyes: After every 20 minutes of looking into the computer screen,look at any object placed at least 20 feet away. Try and blink your eyes for 20 times in succession, to moisten them.If Possible,Walk 20 paces after every 20 minutes of sitting in one particular posture. Helps blood circulation for the entire body Rotate the Eyeballs: While you keep your eyes closed, roll your eyeballs both clockwise and anticlockwise and take a deep breath. Gradually open your eyes while releasing your breath. Continue this Exercise for a Minute or two.You can repeat it three times before getting back to the screen. It serves as a good workout for the eyes. |
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